Bencilah!
Aku dah type panjang berjela.. sekali tu hilang!
Ye, dengan sekali tekan je... apa yang aku taip dengan penuh perasaan tak puas hati tu telah hilang.
Dah lah hari ni aku malas buat kerja.
Sekarang ni setiap hari pun aku malas buat kerja.. sebab asek pikir yang lagi 35 hari tu...

Anyway, sebenarnya aku taip... pasal.. pasal peserta Americ@n Id0l yang asek bernasib malang tu. Bersepah-sepah kat internet tu orang komen/bincang kesian dengan dia. Tapi aku tak... I mean, come on.. takkanlah nasib dia ni asek malang je asal musim pertandingan ni. Kalau dia ni mmg sentiasa malang sepanjang tahun, maybe that explains it lah kot. Tp kalau time² ni je bermasalah, mmg lah ini adalah pakatan mengorek keuntungan daripada mana-mana pihak... production ka.. peserta ka.. Kalau aku rajin dan duk amerika, mungkin dah lama aku korek teori konspirasi ni..

Ha okaylah.. itu je aku nak cerita. Tak kesahlah pun kalau sufi je yang baca dan rajin nak komen blog aku ni.

Okay, kena sambung berlakon buat kerja.

Camne sebenarnya nak berlakon macam boss gred pertengahan ni ek?

Today macam happy day je.
Harap² akan jadi macam ni sepanjang hari.
I had a good sleep.
My daughter woke up, not crying.
Was not crying when I left her to shower too.
My son was already in the bathroom when I went to the toilet. He didn't argue when I asked him to take his shower but immediately opened his shirt.
I was not late. I managed to do my make up at home.
Son had his breakfast, siap tambah lagi.
And both were smiling when I dropped them off.
Alhamdullillah.
The traffic was good too.
Harap² today will be productive too.
InsyaAllah.. Amin.

Besok dah Isnin?
Sungguh malasnya aku nak menghadapi esok.
Malas sebab aku tak bersedia.
Barang-barang anak-anak masih bersepah.
Nota serah tugas aku tak siapkan.

Dalam kepala otak aku, memang aku tak buat perancangan baik punye. Hari Jumaat nak buat apa, Sabtu nak buat apa. Ahad semua dah sedia. Tapi itu semua dalam keadaan ideal lah.

Hari Jumaat berjalan, hampir macam aku rancang. Sabtu aku telah sakit. Sepanjang hari aku tidur, baring.. tak larat nak buat apa. Ahad, separuh jalan je. Tapi nampak macam ada harapan.

Alhamdullillah boss baru bagi aku cuti. Ikutkan hati aku nak ambik tiga hari. Tapi dia bagi dua je. (Tu sume dah menampakkan betapa susahnya kerja baru. Kalau dulu, aku belasah je cuti bila aku suka. Malas betul).

Aku tanya anak-anak, diorang kata READY. Macam takde perasaan je. Entah2 esok, nak bangun, nangis-nangis. Jangan aku yang menangis sudahlah.

Ni semua belum memikirkan perubahan dalam dua bulan yang akan datang. Malasnya nak kerja... What have I got myself into.

Wah, entri pertama tahun 2010.

Bila difikirkan balik, it had been ten years since I was lost in the floods of people on the eve of the new millenium, separated from my three friends. Lepas tu, memang saya telah taubat tak nak pergi tempat² yang dibanjiri manusia lagi. And I did, selagi boleh dielakkan. Mana ada aku pergi konsert² ni sumer lagi..

Anyway, semalam telah pergi bershopping to complete all the things needed to welcome the new year and the new changes in our lives (mine and kiddies. en. suami, sama je). shopping like i was giving birth tomorrow. not to mention ramainya manusia, tapi bolehlah... not too bad. Telah makan macam-macam, which the last was at War0eng Âyam Pènyet, lepas tu aiskrim soft serve.

That night, dah lah tido lambat (tiba rumah pun lambat), tiba-tiba I had to wake up sebab perut sakit gila. GILA. Bukan cirit-birit, but more of gas. This is the second time it happened. The first time, sebab tak pernah rasa macam tu, I cried macam nak bersalin. Serious sakit gila. Rasa macam nak pecah perut. Minumlah air panas, sapulah minyak angin, nothing works. Can't sit down sebab the tummy felt compressed, can 't lie down cause it hurts my back. Tapi this time around sebab dah tau rasa macam mana, cubalah tahan. Worst, after so many hours (since that last meal), i vommitted a quarter of what i ate. Lah, tak digested lagi ke? Masa makan punyelah sodap... sekali telah sebabkan gas. Hish...

Nilah kali pertama aku muntah since mengandung kali ketiga ni. Wah makin dekat makin terseksa aku rasa. Terbalik pulak daripada orang lain. Tu jelah nak cerita hari ni. Muntah.

So, I reported for duty on the 16th of December, along with 7 other friends for our new post. Supposedly another 2 was to come, but one was perfoming his Haj, entah dah balik ke belum, and the other was in confinement.

The event brought bittersweet emotions, I have to say. Sweet because it brought back memories of 4 years ago.. I felt like I was 27, at Grade 41, young and naive.. all over again. I have to admit, i still feel naive.. naive for a Grade 48 (that's 2 levels up from the first grade). But I have to grow up. I have people looking at me, looking for me, analysing me, judging me.. i will have to make decisions. I have to be assertive. I have to be wise. I have to grow up.. Sigh.

It was sweet too because all of my batchmates are at the same level now. And sweet to because the SecGen knows each and everyone of us. Well, except for Sufi.. tapi itu pun sebab Sufi memang senyap, if you don't know her. Just like the first time we reported for duty.

And I said bitter, not because I hated it.. it's just slightly bitter because I have to leave the current (almost) carefree, rush free, (almost) easy routine. I will miss leaving my house when sun is already up. I will miss praying Subuh at ease. Definitely need to rush nanti. I will miss waiting for the gate of Tadika KEM@S to open, though I hated it then. I will miss the rare opportunity to eat lunch with my son. I will miss minum pagi at 10am. Yes, I would definitely miss.

But, I'm sure there many things to look forward to in Putrajaya. But I have to beware of those meeting meals and be more active after work because it's back to a desk job and our ministry is known for serving good meals that is definitely fattening, during / after meetings.

So, see you in Federal Territory / Selangor next year.

So far pregnancy aku yang ketiga ni agak easy.. takde morning sickness, langsung. Takde tak larat ke apa.. cuma lapar macam orang gila masa the first trimester. Such a breeze it was, dengan perut tak berapa nak besar, people hardly noticed that I was pregnant.. I mean, I still am, but masa tulah.

Sekarang perut dah agak besar, and very noticeable la. Sape tak nampak gak tu, tak tau lah aku. Anyway, the past 2 weeks aku agak penat. Dan panas. Is it the weather or it's just me. Dah berapa malam aku tak dapat tido. It doesn't help that the aircond is rosak. Bila malam tak tido, maka siang aku mengantuk. Bila aku mengantuk, I can't work effectively. Then aku jadi penat. Aku terasa macam jantung aku kena put in extra effort nak pump the blood. Bangun je bagi jalan gi toilet dan macam laju jantung aku. Duk kat office (duduk je tau, bukan berjalan pun), aku rasa macam short of breath. Is my luck on easy pregnancy is running thin?

Apa-apa pun, sebenarnya aku agak nervous. Kenapa? Sebab aku takut pregnancy yang agak senang, saya takut delivery sangat sakit atau susah. Apa-apa pun, doakanlah untuk saya ye..

Btw, insyaAllah mulai tahun depan saya akan mula bertugas kembali di Putrajaya. Bimbang saya. Dulu plannya, bila dah kerja Seremban balik, baru saya nak menambah ahli keluarga. Didn't know, it would take this long. And by the time he arrives, I'm back in Putrajaya.. sigh...

Ini entry yang lajulah.
Semalam saya buat jamuan raya since it's Syawal,
in conjuction with Afnan's & Sorfina's birthday.
Makanan banyak leftover.
Kawan ramai jugak yang turn up, though I was hoping for more.
Ada balloon, ada clown, ada cake, ada khemah.
Saje nak sebut khemah tu sebab saya rasa over.

Anyway, sebab terlalu penat, (rumah pun tak habis kemas)
saya cuti.
Budak² ni pun (my kids) nak ikut cuti.
Fine, I said. But if you quarrel, I'll send you both to school.
Guess what? It didn't take them long.
As they were playing with their brand new flash and dash that they got for birthday presents, and I was just about to heat up my bfast, one was already crying.
I just ignored it.
Then he came up to me and said, my throat hurts, and I feel choked.
Whatever, I thought, rolling my eyes.
Then he started wailing.

That's when I demanded the two of them to take their shower and send them straight to school, though it was already 8.30am. But of course, not before fighting with the elder one.
When I said fight, I do mean, fight as in bertumbuk dan bercakar.
Sampai sekolah I ask my son, do you want to tell the truth or do you want to tell a white lie?
He said, I don't want to tell the truth that my mom sent me to school because I was a naughty boy. So, I said fine, just say you had a bad stomachache and now you're ok. He agreed.

In conclusion: 

• Adakah aku mak yang evil?
• Adakah aku mak yang bad for teaching my son to lie?
• Atau aku mak yang cool sbb sempoi je antar anak aku lambat dan tak rasa bersalah?
  

I was in a well known bookshop in the heart of the city looking for a certain book, under a specific subject.

It took me a while to look for it because the bookshop was so big. Good thing they had these big title on top of the shelves. Unfortunately, the one I was looking for was covered by the big books displayed.

Anyway, I was thrilled when I found those books under that subject. Well, we all know that books aren't cheap, especially imported ones. I expected them to anything between 100 and 200 ringgit. But lo and behold, the one book that I was interested in costed 395!!! Almost 400 ringgit. Can you believe it? I almost fainted. I've never thought a book about Project Management can cost THAT much! And frankly most are above 200 ringgit. The cheapest I found was 90, then 70, then 50. But only one of each price.

Seriously, how expenxive can project managers demand? I mean, if you learn from expensive books, you must cost a lot right?

Anyway, at a time like this, makes me miss university's library so much. I used to love UiTM's library.

Ps: No, I'm not trying to be a better project manager, or trying to sit for Project Management Professional (PMP) Exam - maybe that's why they're expensive, just got a paper to do.

Tiap kali aku gi office, aku tanya diri aku...
Kenapalah aku datang office ni.
Bukan apa, tak penahnya ada parking.
Kalau aku sampai lepas 7.30 pagi je, mesti dah takde parking.
Kenapalah aku ni tak dapat designated parking.
Macam mana aku nak sampai sebelum pukul 7.30??
Pintu pagar sekolah si sorfina tu pun bukak 7.35.
Hmmmmm...
Teringat aku ada  mamat kat radio ni cakap dia benci pergi kerja.
Dia kata macam mana nak bersemangat, nak carik parking pun tak jumpa.
Sampai office, boss tunjuk target. Impossible to achieve.
Menyampahnya... katanya dia.

Kalau korang jumpa orang MLM dengan keadaan/kata-kata macam ni, mesti diorang cakap, "so why are you still stuck at the same job, even after all (kalau aku letaklah five) years?

Sekadar meluahkan perasaan.

Hmmmmm....