As I Look Back...

This is about... me, again.

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 20:15:34 GMT

Currently waiting for caramel cheesecake to bake. Hopefully it turns out nice, sebab buat untuk orang. On days like this when I have to choose between sleep and actually getting something done, I know why I am not in the baking business, or any type of business for that matter. I had to drag myself out of bed tadi at 2am. The fact that I have a cold is not helping either. (Orang itu bukan kau lah ZZ).

Recently telah pergi shopping untuk isi wardrobe aku yang non-existent. Mula-mula I bought a pair of jeans. Am very happy with it. Never actually tot of buying jeans at this kedai. What came to mind biasanya is kedai Teka, Jarak or of course the usual Le-vis.

At the same time, I was looking for a casual skirt. And the kedai had this perfect skirt. I loved it! I just had to have it. That is until I looked at the price tag. I mean, it was the perfect skirt I was looking for, and for so long too.. My behind and hips didn't look too big The color was right - black, with splashes of red. The material was heavy, but cooling. But paying 300 bucks (ok, malaysian ringgit) for a casual skirt, seems just too much. So, no skirt in ward robe.

And then, I went to Terengganu, for a meeting. Dragged mummy dearest and kiddies to accompany me for the long drive. A long it is. Driving past 3 states. Itu nasib baik tak lalu karak, if not, 4.. or 5 including Wilayah Persekutuan. Anyway, ingat nak beli batik there, but due to the meeting yang lambat habis, tak sempat pon jenguk pasar payang. Balik tu, nampak plak on TV ada Ekspo Kraf Kebangsaan. Tersangatlah nak pergi sbb last year I missed. Tapi at the same time ada PAU (Perhimpunan Agung UMN0). I know some things are going for really cheap masa PAU ni.. so, I had to decide. PAU ke Kraf. Since PAU was easier to reach, I chose the ealier. Dan.............. spent 240 on brooches, for me, sisters, mom, mil (gasp!).. and also bought 2 batiks. Sgt puas hati. Lebih puas hati dapat jumpa mommy jib. Terharu saya dia datang jumpa saya. If I wasn't running for time, nak je ajak ke stabaks.

Alamak, kek saya dah nak masak agaknya. Better go and clean and wash dulu. Nanti lain kali sambung lagi.

This is about .. bertangguh.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:15:34 GMT

Sometimes I wonder, whylah I do this to myself.
I mean, I'm such a procrastinator, I will put off everything to the last minute.
Last second, if I can make it.

This thought came to me today, as I was speeding to reach a place, 80km from Seremban.
In my head macam dekat. I remember the destination, it's location and all, but somehow, the journey (yg jauh) kinda slipped my memory.

So, I scolded myself for wishing, hoping, assuming that time will freeze or the cars within the traffic will make way for me. Even as I pray that all traffic lights will be green throughout the way, I know (way back in my head) the One Above will not grant my wish, for aku yang bersalah.

But He had been kind. Alhamdullillah, for all those times that I've sped, belum lagi kena saman.

So, today, I pledge not to procrastinate, when leaving the house for work. ;)

I just have to write whenever I remember him

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:43:10 GMT

March seems to be a month that reminds me more of my dad than the month he passed away.

The other day, a friend had just left for Rotterdam. He'll be there for a while, posted there. He said he was travelling alone and the journey was 12 hours long. This fact quickly brought memories of the longest 10 hours in my life back in my head. And it reminds me again the fact that my longing for my father's advices will never be fulfilled.

Then, the was the UMN0 GA. The last time I had the longest conversation with my Dad was when he was at the UMN0 Assembly on 8 March 2007. My husband was outstation and my brother came back to Malaysia to attend it too. So, I took time to meet them in KL, after work. I was late, down with work. To this day, I regret arriving so late, making the time we could spend with each other so short. The next day I remember was a public holiday, Deepavali. So the streets, even at 12 midnight was jammed. I was kinda lost, when sending Dad back to his hotel. Being stuck in the jam for almost an hour, we took advantage of the time to talk about lots of things, but mostly about work.

And then, a friend's grandfather passed away too, on the 23rd of March. The same date - 23rd (of November) that my Dad had passed away.

I have so much to ask him. So much advice and wisdom to seek. I wish I had written to him more. And at times like these, I feel so lost. With all those disease, sickness or whatever he had, I knew he would eventually leave us. But I never knew, I could never be ready for it.

Ayah, Al-Fatihah to you. For all those times you never stopped praying for me, I shall never stop praying for you either.

Pinch Me

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:55:14 GMT

PINCH ME
By: Barenaked Ladies

It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside

It's like a dream you try to remember
But it's gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for

It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon

Repeat Chorus

Pinch me, pinch me, cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me that I'm still asleep

On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway

Repeat Chours

Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for

This is about a little update

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 16:52:20 GMT

So today is the 14th day (considering it is already the 16th, though just 50 minutes after 12) that my husband is in the hospital. Frankly, we never imagined that he'll be here that long. I was forseeing about 4-5 days, at most. But, we certainly have to accept the fact that it was longer than that.

The situation sounded simple at first. Doctors are so deceiving. (Well, I have to admit, not unlike the PTD pon.. sama je. Tunjuk kondifen). They just told us, infection on the liver, when in truth they didn't exactly know what kind of infection. Boleh tak? So, to be on the safe side, the just gave him the strongest antibiotic. Alhamdullillah, it worked.

Tomorrow, my husband will go through the CT Scan tu check out how much of the abscess is out, and how much is left. I'm hoping and praying so much that all is out. Oh, did i mention, in between getting the abscess out and now, my husband had respiratory problem which apparently was caused by fluids in the lungs. We had to go through a procedure (where the doctor poked his back and sucked out the water - while he was conscious) to clear that out. Then his platlet count was too high, twice the acceptable range. Macam-macam.

But, insyaAllah he may be able to be discharged tomorrow. And while we were here, so many things were being neglected. My work, our home, our children.

I couldn't find the time to complete my work. During the day I had to help him with whatever he needed. Then, visitors came non-stop. Groups, individuals. Relatives, friends, officemates. By night I'd be too tired and sleepy to do anything else. Most times I bathe at 11pm because people just don't stop coming. I appreciate all the thoughts and visits. But sometimes, it just tire us out so much. How could we tell people not to visit. Hmmm...

Okay time to sleep/

This is about... a sick suami/hospitalised husband

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 12:25:47 GMT

encik suami is sick.
terlantar di hospital.
with no definitive of what's wrong with him.
the doctors are sure it's not too serious.
however, he is not getting better. nor worse. just the same.
plus, since the last 7 days, life is not as usual.
routines had been disrupted.
tonight i'll be sleeping at the hospital.
kiddies at my mommie's house. poor kids.
i didn't cook. hospital is taking care of E.S's meals.
Alhamdullillah for me, my mommie takes care of my meals.
Still i feel tired.
And sleepy.. sangat.

This is about... tiramisu

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 15:38:46 GMT

Two days ago, my brother requested I make tiramisu.

Actually, I have been eyeing the ladyfingers sold at Yummie B@ngi for sometime. So, when he asked, I might as well try. In truth, I always thought tiramisu are hard to make and I hardly ever eat tiramisu.. so I don't really know what a tiramisu is supposed to taste like.

So, the ladyfingers came with a tiramisu recipe. It seemed simple enough. But then I realized that this recipe is actually raw. I mean, the eggs aren't cooked. Therefore I g00gled for an alternative recipe that calls for cooked eggs. And I found several. But unfortunately, the one I chose, leaves me leftover egg whites. Which, I plan to try making some macarons later. But, back to the tiramisu.. this is what my sister had to say about it:

Boleh jual/order. Taste: perfect. Texture: can be perfected.

Kembang makcik semangkuk... heheh. But then, of course, if you know me, I could never ambik order. Sebab it stresses me out. So, in conclusion, tiramisu aren't that difficult. Trylah!

Sekian, till my macaron experiment plak.

This is about... cakes and cats

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:08:01 GMT

Remember those cats? They're still there. Yes, very much there. Them and their poop.
And I've contemplated many courses of action.
Suggestions pon banyak jugak. Nice, not. Hard, heartless. Macam-macam.
One suggested I write a nasty letter.
My sister in law said to call their son and insist that he cleans up, including my lawn.
My mom and officemate asked me to complain to the City Council.
My husband insists that ignorance is bliss, considering our neighbors are very much older than us.
What did I do? I thought I should try being nice first before trying otherwise.
So, I turned to baking, which lately I find very, very comforting.
I was considering of bringing some cupcakes to the makcik and try to slow-talk her into being more responsible with them cats.
But guess what happened?
Maybe my mind was too occupied,
maybe my intention was not pure,
maybe.. i don't know...
But for the first time, my cake burnt! Burnt!
Okay, tak boleh terima hakikat.
Makes me hate the cats even more.
So, where does that leave me?
Plan baik macam tak berapa jadi... maybe I should just consider other alternatives.
Sigh.. in the mean time, those kitties are just outside doing their business.

This is about... the world's greatest

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 11:06:22 GMT

My kids always think I'm the greatest mom, in spite of my shortcomings.
Don't we always think that of our parents?
That is until today.
They (especially my son) watched the new Johnson's baby talcum ad in tv and realized that I am not the world's greatest mom because I can't precisely catch a flying paper plane.
Hmm....

On the same note, today, exactly one year ago, my world's greatest dad, left all of us. I pray that he is blessed in the afterlife.

Kucing.. kenapa buat aku begini???!

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:25:23 GMT

Aku benci jiran aku dan kucing-kucingnya.
Kalau diikutkan hati amarah aku ni, nak aje aku siat-siat bulu kucing tu dah tabur kat laman tuannya..

Eeee... tuan dia ni tak reti ke nak ajar kucing dia berak kat jamban? Atau tuan dia ni bijak sangat suruh kucing dia berak kat rumah aku bagi rumah dia berbau harum??? Bencinya aku!!! Habis tu, rumah ni dah jadi jamban kucing?

Takkan sekarang aku lak nak jadi Ind@h W@ter tolong kutip kemaskan taik kucing dia kat laman aku... kang silap hari bulan memang kau tak jumpa lagi kucing-kucing kau yang sedozen ramainya.. baru kau tau... pandailah aku apa nak buat..
(Gelak evil di latar belakang)